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| "And then, and then, and then and then and then--," said Ariette eagerly, "I found this one cute boy, but he was a stupid idiot. So I killed him. I cut him into little eensy teensy teeny tiny little peices and put him in the garbage can for the garbage truck to take away in the morning." She motioned her hands and made little killing and cutting gestures.
"Oh," said the Therapist, casually. "But thats normal, isn't it?"
"Yes," continued Ariette, without listening. "And then I killed all his friends, too. Every single one of them. I stabbed them and cut them up and put them in the trash too.There was so much blood that--"
"But that's what friends are for isn't it?" asked the Therapist. "For killing?"
"Yes," said Ariette in agreement, "thats precisely what they're for!"
The therapist nodded in consensus.
They had finally gotten somewhere.
"I think I'm a sociopath," she speculated, watching his reaction.
"You do?" he asked. "Hmmm..."
He wrote this down.
"But I might be a pathological liar instead," she said, laughing hysterically. "None of what I just said is true!"
(She looked quite pleased with herself.)
"It's not?" he asked.
"Just kidding, it is, said Ariette. "I was just messing with you."
"Oh," said the therapist, nervously laughing. "You had me for a second there."
"AHAHAHAHAHAH!" laughed Ariette. "It was a lie! It was a lie after all!"
"It was?" he asked.
"No, that was!"
"What?" he asked.
Ariette changed the subject.
"I think have performance anxiety," added Ariette despondently, because I had a test the next day in Hexapology and I was worried I was going to fail...."
"Oh," said the Therapist, his ears perking up a few centeimeters. "Now that," he added, "is interesting."
He took note of this.
"I think I might have seperation anxiety, too" added Ariette, (just for fun.)
"Yes, I think you do. Hold on a second, I'm going to the bathroom," said the Therapist.
"Ok," said Ariette.
"And I'm never coming back," he added, for fun.
"Never?" asked Ariette.
"Nope," he said. "Not Ever."
"Oh," said Ariette. "You're not going to let me finish my story?"
"Nope."
"But I was going to tell you what else is wrong with me!"
"Sorry," he said. " After I go to the bathroom, I'm going to work somewhere else, somewhere with happy people. I can't stand to be around sad people. Sad people are just no fun. Goodbye."
"But I'm fun!" said Ariette.
"Well..... see you later," he said.
"Ok.... goodbye," said Ariette, dissapointed.
She sighed, felt for her knife, and went outside into the cold, trying to figure out what to do next.
A whole wide open world of people to cut up lay before her, but without a Therapist to tell her killing stories too she didn't feel like killing anyone....
_________________________________________
"You fail!" exclaimed the Profesdor.
"No..... actually you fail!" replied Ariette,
as she turned the table on the Profesdor.
The table squished the Profesdor flat and killed it instantanously.
"Well that takes care of that," said Ariette. "Now for a magic trick!"
_________________________________________
"I'm praticing a new magic trick!" exclaimed Ariette to Marisda. "Wanna play?"
"Okay," said Marisda. "What is it?"
"Killing people with my mind."
"Oh...." said Marisda. "I don't think I want to play anymore.
"Cmon, said Ariette. "Don't be such a sissy."
"Ok, Ok," consented Marisda.
So Ariette put her hands to her head. She focused on Marisda. Then she went "mmmmmmmmmmm"
"I don't feel anything!" said Marisda.
"You will," said Ariette. Just wait.
Ariette went "mmmmmmmmmmmmmm" again.
"This is stupid," said Marisda. "Your magic trick stinks."
And then Ariette spontaneously combusted.
"Oh my," exclaimed her charred remnants. "I messed up."
Marisda swept the charred remnants into the trash.
"Oh Ariette, look what a mess you've made..."
"I'm sorry!" said Ariette.
"It's okay," said Marisda. "Don't worry about it."
____________________
"I'm going to save your life, Ariette!" said a fisherman and Ariette drownded by herself.
"You are?" asked Ariette.
"Yes," he said.
"When?' asked Ariette.
"Soon!" he said.
"How soon?" she inquired.
"Very soon. I promise."
"Pinkie Promise?"
"Yes, I pinkie Promise."
"Ok," said Ariette. "As long as you promise."
And Ariette became more and more and more submerged in water.
"Oh, look at the time!" he exclaimed. "Well I have to be running now."
And then he went jogging, and Ariette drownded exhaling bubbles to the surface.
And then the Fisherman went fishing. He caught an irritable Ariette.
"Why did you let me die and run off like that?" Ariette demanded to know.
"I don't know," he said. "I won't do it again. I promise."
"Pinkie Promise?"
"Of course, I Pinkie Promise."
And then a Giant Tiger came down the beach, chasing Ariette.
Ariette waited for him to save her.
"Oh look at the time, I better be running," he said, calmly. And then he ran away.
The tiger devoured Ariette.
"Screw you!" exclaimed Ariette, inside the Tigers tummy. "I don't have time for this. Let me out!" And then she forced her way out of the Tigers throat.
She came after the Fisherman with a bulldozer.
"I'll get you now!" she exclaimed.
"No, please, help, no, please. I won't let you die. I promise."
"No!" exclaimed Ariette. You already pinky promiseded!! And now it's too late. And now you must die! DIE! DIE! MWAHAHAHAHAHA.
And then she rolled him flat with the bulldozer and made him into paper, and began to fingerpaint on it.
"Thats what you get...." she muttered, as she happily painted.
_________________________________________
| | |
| And so Ariette heard a knock at the door.
"I'm not here," she said, grimly.
"Oh," said the Voice on the Other Side.
*five seconds later*
She heard a knock again.
"I'm STILL NOT HERE!" she yelled.
"Oh," said the Voice.
There was another knock.
"WHAT DO YOU WANT THIS TIME?" yelled Ariette.
"I wanted to know if you were here."
"I'M NOT!!!!" yelled Ariette.
"Oh," said the Voice. "I'll try again later."
__________________________________
Wacha doin? asked the Hexapus to Ariette.
"Go away!" said Ariette. "I am trying to study."
"Study? Study what."
"Hexpus. Advanced Hexapology. I am learning all about Hexpus. See, here is a picture of one." She showed the Hexapus from her textapus to the Hexpus.
"See?" asked Ariette. "I am learning all about Hexapi."
"No," said the Hexpus. "The book has it wrong. Hexapi are blue, not purple. And they have spots, not stipes. And they have testacles, not tentacles."
"SHUTUP YOU STUPID HEXAPUS!" screamed Ariette. "What do you know? You don't know anything about Hexapi. Only Hexapusologists know about Hexapi!!!!!!!"
And she threw the Book of Hexapology at the Hexapus and squashed it flat.
Green kool aid oozed out of it. A fly landed in the kool aid and began to drink it. Ariette snapped a photo of this phenomenon to put in her Paper.
__________________________________
"Do you like my paper?" asked Ariette, to the Profesdor. "I colored it blue," she added, quite self-importantly and irrelevantly.
The Profesdor thought for a moment, and then took out a magic eight ball and shook it.
"Try again later." replied the Profesdor.
She came five minutes later.
"What about now?" asked Ariette.
The Profesdor sighed in agony, and took out the eight ball again.
"Reply Still Hazy."
"Can you try again?" Ariette asked, very, very nicely.
The Profesdor took out the 8 ball.
"Not a chance!"
"Please?"
"Fine."
Then the Profesdor took out a fat red marker and wrote "YOU SUCK," on the paper.
"There."
"Thanks!" said Ariette. And she skipped away happily.
Upon seeing this, the Profesdor was very aggitated.
"Wait! Give that back to me!" yelled the Profesdor.
The Profedor changed the grade. "YOU REALLY SUCK!"
"Aw..." said Ariette. "I liked the first grade better."
And now the Profesdor was happy.
_________________________________________
| | |
| "I can't find my place under the sun," said Ariette.
"Did you look under the carpet?" asked her Mom.
Yes.
"Did you look in your schoolbag?"
Yes.
"Did you look under the bed?"
Yes.
Then its gone. You lost it. Its your fault. You'll have to buy a new one.
| | |
| "If you really love me," said Ariette, "prove it."
"Ok," he said, apathetically. He took a scapel and sliced open his chest. He then extracted his beating heart, and proudly handed it to Ariette with a grin on his face. "A token of my appreciation," he declared.
Ariette took the heart.
"This is good," she said. "But not quite good enough!" she exclaimed. She took the heart, stomped on it over and over and over until it flattened on the ground. "USELESS! USELESS! WORTHLESS PEICE OF !@#4!!!!" she screamed.
The heart frowned and lay dead.
Its owner casually dropped dead beside it, and flopped over like a dead goldfish.
Ariette pouted promptly, as if on cue.
"He doesn't love me after all..." said Ariette quietly to herself. And then she trampled over the body and left out the nearest exit. A crowd of people watched her exit.
________________________________
"I love you Ariette," he said.
"I don't believe you," said Ariette. "If you really loved me, you would do anything for me," said Ariette.
"But I would do anything for you," he said.
"Make me a universe," said Ariette. "Make me a universe, and make it pink."
He hesitate.
"I.. um.. can't make you a universe Ariette," he said.
"Well then you don't really love me," said Ariette. And then she walked out of his life.
_________________________
"How does it feel to be loved, at last, Ariette?"
Ariette sighed.
"It feels terrible," she said. "Like walking on thin ice."
And just as she said that, the thin ice gave way beneath her, and she fell in the freezing water and drowned-to-death. | | |
| "Everything is perfect!" said Ariette happily. As the floorboards came away beneath her feet and cracked in half and sent her flailing widly throught the air and she crashed on the floor, landing in a pool of sticky wet blood.
__________________
"But I do love you!" he said.
"You do?" asked Ariette.
"Yes!" he said. "Very much. More than anything," he added. "I am serious."
"Just kididng," he added, as he patted her head.
______________________
"I love you," said Ariette.
"You do?" he asked.
"Yes," she said. "Sometimes." she added.
"Which times?"
"Well," said Ariette. "Not right now. And not later. But I loved you yesterday and perhaps tomorrow too. The rest of the time I hate you," she said, casually, with cold eyes.
His eyes widened with fear.
___________________________
"I love you," said Ariette. And I would never hurt you.
"Thank you," he said.
_________________________
And as soon as he turned around she took a wooden club and hit him over the head with it. His skull made a loud crunching noise as it shattered.
"Just kidding," she added.
___________________________
And she added his body to the growing pile of Ex boyfriends.
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